I don't wanna grow up...

Earlier, Peony :: Love made this post about how marriage is a sobering thought and I have to agree.

I was always the kid that never wanted to grow up- after all, life was good as a child. I didn't have to pay bills, figure out how i was going to afford gas in my car that week, or decide what's for dinner. I am the child that has cried every year on my birthday because another year older means becoming a "big girl" and taking on more responsibilities.

I love my life. I have an amazing apartment, a loving and adoring fiance, super sweet pets, and a supportive family. There are a lot of people out there who don't have those things and I appreciate that I'm lucky enough to have these privileges. But I'll openly admit that there have been moments when I've wondered if I was having cold feet. After all, marriage is for life. However, that's not really my problem- at 23 years old, I've kissed more frogs than most people twice my age. I'm tired of the dating game and I'm ready to settle down. What makes me freak out is that I don't think of myself as an adult. I'll always be that crazy 16 year old in my mind and marriage is an "adult" thing. Perhaps that's why I always swore as a child I'd never get married? Adults have jobs, families and children. I'm not ready for a family and children just yet!

Don't get me wrong however- I'm super excited about my wedding, and I'm seriously looking forward to marital bliss thereafter but I think a lot of young women feel the same way I do. I know I've found myself doing a lot of soul searching, and self-realization during all of my planning. Sometimes I surprise myself when I notice how mature I've become over the course of the past year! I'm still at that point in my life where I'm developing my sense of self, developing my likes and dislikes and figuring out what I really want out of my life. That's what your early 20s are all about- building this foundation. You'll continue this exploration of finding your sense of self throughout your life but I think that trying to build this foundation, grappling with the fact that you're actually an adult now, and the stress of planning a wedding can sometimes just become overwhelming which can be incorrectly assumed to be cold feet.

It's unusual for me to write about really personal things and wear my heart on my sleeve on this blog, but I'm just curious if there are any other young ladies who feel the same way?